Defining and living into your positive self-image involves self-awareness, self-acceptance, and intentional efforts to focus on strengths and achievements rather than dwelling on perceived weaknesses.  

In the book Psycho-Cybernetics, Dr. Maxwell Maltz explores the concept of self-image and how it influences our behavior, success, and overall well-being. In seminars, my father often recommended this book, saying he had never found a book that explains self-image better than Maltz. 

As a reconstructive plastic surgeon, Dr. Maltz realized that although plastic surgery benefited 0.5% of the population, the other 99.5% had a limited self-image that prevented them from seeing the physical changes his treatments achieved. 

Now, of course, it takes effort, but it is effort that is well worth doing because everything outside of you will begin to change when you alter your inner self-image. Get excited about that. You are on an adventure where new opportunities are everywhere – just waiting to be discovered.

Let’s say you want your new self-image to include a healthier you. You would begin asking yourself–what choices would a healthy person make when you are faced with decisions about exercise and nutrition?

You could do the same thing with money: 

What would a person earning a million dollars do? 

Approach each decision this way. Make decisions from the perspective of the person you are working to become.

What about appearance?

Think about how you want to present yourself physically. Something as simple as how you dress, walk, and project yourself sends a powerful message to your subconscious mind. 

How do you enter a room? Are you walking tall and making eye contact? 

In my book, My Father Knew the Secret, I used the example of my father and his custom-made suits. Wearing those suits made him feel proud of himself. He noticed that other people saw him differently, and that reinforced the self-image he was building in his subconscious mind.

Now, you can attempt to change things outside yourself, but your improved results will be temporary unless you change what’s going on inside. You must do the inside work first.

So, let’s begin the work of answering these questions: Who am I? What is the new self-image that I want to live into?

Don’t neglect what you love about yourself. Instead, cultivate it! Discover! This is about chipping away to reveal the beauty that is you; removing old, tired, and outdated beliefs and thoughts. You are the sculptor.

Be deliberate in the questions you ask yourself. Framing matters and will determine the answers you get.

• “Why am I not successful?” You’ll get answers that berate you. 

• “How can I succeed here?” You’ll get answers that propel you. 

To experience growth, you must be willing to update yourself when faced with new information. Do this by maintaining a flexible mindset. Consider that how you currently perceive yourself is likely based on old data. And keep in mind: it is natural to give too much weight to negative experiences from the past. 

Remember that our expectations are almost always confirmed — if you don’t expect things to improve, you are unlikely to notice when they do. Begin chipping away at your assumptions about what you can and cannot do.

In my experience, the deeper you can love yourself, the easier it is to love and appreciate others. No matter what is happening around you, the world is better when you come from a place of love, and that must begin with self-love. The relationship we have with ourselves is our most important relationship.

On stage, Dad would talk about how we had to love ourselves first before we could really love anyone else in a meaningful way. 

The audience would laugh when he said, “You should wake up every morning and kiss yourself,” and then he’d flamboyantly kiss his hand. He would then have the audience do it. It was a fun exercise, but he was making a point through this gesture that we must love ourselves first. 

Self-love is the foundation on which all our relationships grow and blossom, and it’s the key to personal success. It was easy to notice the people in the audience hesitating at the idea of kissing their own hand in this way, and you could hear how uncomfortable they were in their laughter. 

Dad would say, “It’s easy to see when a person lacks self-love; just watch how they carry themselves.” 

Remember, this is about creating. Avoid comparing; it is the thief of joy.

How do you weaken limiting beliefs? You identify them and replace them with a new belief. Most of the time, we are unaware of our limiting beliefs. We don’t even consider that our thoughts and beliefs could be what are holding us back. 

Doing the thinking work of identifying these ideas could change a pattern that has existed for generations within your family. You can end those patterns by changing a belief possibly holding you and others back. 

As you do this, pay attention to your self-talk and recurring thoughts undermining your confidence or self-esteem. Look for patterns.

Is your current identity attached to your past?

Here is an example of a result based on a limiting belief:

Self-doubt (I’m not smart enough): Someone who consistently doubts their abilities, decisions, or worth is likely operating with a limited belief established by past experiences, criticism, or repeated negative feedback. These experiences led to the perception that they were inadequate or incapable.

This trait of self-doubt may manifest in many ways, such as questioning abilities at work, hesitating to take on challenges, or feeling unworthy in personal relationships.

In this example, the limiting belief (“I’m not smart enough”) has shaped the personal trait of self-doubt, impacting confidence and influencing behavior and decision-making. 

How do you see yourself regarding appearance, abilities, and potential for success? What are you expecting? 

A fun exercise is to list at least five positive traits or qualities you possess. These could be related to skills, personality traits, or achievements — things you like about yourself. Acknowledge and write how you appreciate these aspects of yourself. 

Consistency is vital in implementing these exercises. By actively and consistently working on your self-image, you are paving the way for lasting change in your personal growth and success. Change in this area of your life will create change in every area of your life.